i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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