the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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