my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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