I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
