right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
