It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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