New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
