I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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