I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
