I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
