I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
