Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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