My girlfriend figured out who you are.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
