she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm always down for nudity.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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