you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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