just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
