Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
