When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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