great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
