glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
