Porn is love you can see.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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