the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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