i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
