Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
