i think my tv is drunk
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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