I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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