I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
