went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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