what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
