I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just saw a hot homeless man
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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