Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
