Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
