My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
