I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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