my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
