i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just gift wrapped bread.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
