i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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