Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
