It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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