seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
