I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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