we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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