she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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