Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
