we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize