is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
