I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
