she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
