I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
