Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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