Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
