I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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