dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
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