I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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