walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
