I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Randomize
