I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
