Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
