Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
