why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
