I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
