Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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