Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
