Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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