the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
