Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She's the barista slut.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
